A friend goes so I came back..so simple, doesn't it?

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We all loose friends, relatives, al life long. Sometimes we “understand” why, sometimes we don’t. I left photography some years ago, disgusted by Press, lack of empathy of the public, feed purposely by “the system” , so we just don’t have any visible reason to react in front of the “world out there”, neither our inside worlds...our own stories.
So I had a good friend too, then, one day, he just starts to die...I could say.

During about one year, I saw him trapped in the all cancer degeneration context, talking about suicide or travels,  adventure or darkness.
Cancer mixed with hepatitis, bad and wrong diagnostics, false sold hopes, medics, natural things, even witches, doctors, examinations, all “the stuff”...until the end.
And so in a morning he asks me to take pictures of his “last moments”, to get back to photography covering him. I remember to smile and told him: “all right, you’re going to suffer because I use invasive wide angle, aggressive technics...I’m going to play with your face...” keeping in mind that I would be so idiot that he would have to fight more and more to get me out of his life, get healthy back again and send me to hell...
That’s the way I move, the way I have learnt : hurt me and I will react, get violent, and fight...that’s the way which saves me until now. I thought it was a kind of universal “first-aid-kit”, useful for anybody...And yes, I was wrong.  Two days after he asks me to get my camera working back, he dies. So, at 05.00, I took the last shot on an old passed black and white roll. I felt hungry, because he didn’t react as I thought: he just surrender, he changed “the game” rules and territory: he gets to play “in another place”.
I get frustrated too, to see a so unoffensive guy walking away, leaving “us” in our trashy world. I can not blame him...But at the end, I get back to photography thanks to him...with a great renewed gift as a great renewed curse.